What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I FOUND THE LEGS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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