we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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