Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Semen is not good for contacts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
