I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
