real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
