he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
