so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
