i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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