I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mom said you looked used
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
