oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
