it wasn't lemon gatorade
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
