I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
