got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
