remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
