so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
