note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
