The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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