he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
