I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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