At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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