return my video game
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
