Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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