Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want to make out with him forever
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
