I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
