im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
