in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
