So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
