Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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