you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
