we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
