Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
