So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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