do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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