He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
