i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
