The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
