Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
PANTIES FOUND
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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