I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
