so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Rumble strips road head = magical
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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