After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
