I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
