one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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