why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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