all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
