I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
