I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
