Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
