Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
