Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
