He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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