I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
