rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
