Your face is a jimmy john
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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